when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
