She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
