I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
