Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
