he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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