i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
