This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
