I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
