Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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