Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
