Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
