Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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