I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
