You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
