yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
