I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
