A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
