can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
