Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
