She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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