Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
