There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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