we're blogging at a bar
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
