That's intense
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
