John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
