heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
