i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
