my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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