I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
