Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
