Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
