there's paper in my vomit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
