i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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