Where is the hickey?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They have beer where we have blood.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
