I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
