I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
