I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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