Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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