dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
