i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
