Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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