roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
