Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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