Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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