At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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