I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
