That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
