WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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