how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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