Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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